So...I finally broke down and bought a video camera. It's a pretty sweet one too...HD and all that jazz.
They have me in 2 AA meetings a week, plus group meetings and meetings with my counselor...on top of drug court. All this for hitting an ice patch. I haven't even thought about having a drink in weeks...so these programs seem a tad excessive.
I signed up for school again too. I'll be back to UB for summer sessions. Perhaps I can finally crack English 101.
That reminds me...I actually wrote some of my book yesterday. That was a surprise...but I guess I found a spark of inspiration.
Someone told me once that you have to have a life plan. I've never been one for making plans. But as long as I'm going to spend my life bored and alone I might as well try following the lemmings for a while.
Of course...If i were to just go to school, finish my meetings and get a new job (oh yeah...that's coming too) without celebration...well...that just wouldn't be me.
Hence...The Project.
Now that I've sunk a chunk (heh...sunk a chunk) of money into that video camera...I'm damn sure going to put it to use. Consider The Project a companion piece to the book. The book is the road to nowhere...so The Project would be the road back.
Let's face it I'll look much more forward to meetings, school, work and writing if I can mock it along the way. So that's what I'm going to do. A documentary style look at trying to become one of everybody else.
Of course it would be easier if someone was around to hold the camera...but we'll have to get by with what we've got.
I miss Pete. He was always around to tell me if my ideas were good or not. I guess I'll take this one on faith.
So long
So long
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Welcome To The Machine: OR The Desert Island Draft Part IV
By the time my pick for round 4 came up both Darkside of the Moon and the Wall were taken.
But they were never my favorite Pink Floyd albums anyway.
Only 5 tracks? And two of them are parts of the same song? That's insane.
They're also 5 great tracks.
I used to listen to the album on repeat while sitting on the floor playing the Super Nintendo.
Welcome to the Machine and Have a Cigar (while both awesome) are almost lost in the scheme of the other 2 songs.
Shine On You Crazy Diamond and Wish You Were Here...now...that's where it's at.
Shine on you crazy diamond is epic. I don't think people make music like that anymore. It seems like nowadays every song has to fit into 4 minutes or less. Say what you have to and get out quickly. Well...if you look at my picks in this draft I'm not really a fan of that mentality.
Of course, Wish You Were Here is the memorable and brilliant piece of the album. Everyone knows it, and how great and beautiful it is. Nothing more I can add to that.
So with my 4th pick in the Desert Island Draft I took Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd
P.S. As for round 5...well...I actually went to see her in concert by myself a couple of years ago. Which was awesome. ...and weird.
Link:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=3DXCHa9BYfE
But they were never my favorite Pink Floyd albums anyway.
Only 5 tracks? And two of them are parts of the same song? That's insane.
They're also 5 great tracks.
I used to listen to the album on repeat while sitting on the floor playing the Super Nintendo.
Welcome to the Machine and Have a Cigar (while both awesome) are almost lost in the scheme of the other 2 songs.
Shine On You Crazy Diamond and Wish You Were Here...now...that's where it's at.
Shine on you crazy diamond is epic. I don't think people make music like that anymore. It seems like nowadays every song has to fit into 4 minutes or less. Say what you have to and get out quickly. Well...if you look at my picks in this draft I'm not really a fan of that mentality.
Of course, Wish You Were Here is the memorable and brilliant piece of the album. Everyone knows it, and how great and beautiful it is. Nothing more I can add to that.
So with my 4th pick in the Desert Island Draft I took Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd
P.S. As for round 5...well...I actually went to see her in concert by myself a couple of years ago. Which was awesome. ...and weird.
Link:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=3DXCHa9BYfE
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Just Smile And Nod: OR The Ranting Blog
If I had it all to do over again...I'd have had a few more friends.
That line...or something similar to it...was the last line in Ty Cobb's autobiography (not to be confused with the superior biography by Al Stump). Cobb was a notorious asshole. He lived by his own strict code of conduct and damn anyone who got in his way. He was nasty, he was arrogant...and he also just happened to be right most of the time. It's a difficult thing...being right and speaking truth when the world around you is made up of the pleasantry of the lie. It's how our society coexists. The pleasantry of the lie.
Taking that last thought of Cobb to task...one would assume that his message is that of regret for not "playing the game" of life like everyone else did. Cobb had something that so few people have...Greatness. In a culture (even back then) that wants nothing more than to idolize greatness...he was demonized...and rightly so.
He was a terrible person. He hated everything.
...
I've always tried to find the good in things. It hurts like hell when they let you down...but every so often your faith can be rewarded. I've made a conscious choice in recent years to limit my number of friendships to a pretty low number. The reason for that is simple. I'm not good at acquaintance. I'm not good at smile and nod. I'm not good at exchanging pleasantries.
What I am good at, in fact what I live for, is being a good friend.
I'm the guy who'll help you move, or listen to you cry at the bar, or loan you money, or do whatever it takes to make your day that little bit better...because...that's what makes my day better.
Now...that can take a lot out of you which is why I limit the amount of people that get in.
It's also why, I think, there is such a disparity between people's opinions of me. To some I'm a terrible person. To far fewer...I'm the opposite. The people that know me, know me for a reason. They're good people. People worth something.
I have no tolerance for useless people.
Which brings me to the current dilemma.
After months of things just not going my way (as if that was something new) I've reached the breaking point.
I've hit a problem that I didn't see coming...even though I should have.
I'm pretty much locked in a room all week long now...only getting out for work (yeah...). I can't drive anywhere on my conditional licence accept work and court stuff...
Pete disappeared completely. Not answering the phone or even returning calls. With his wedding just a couple of months away...I don't see that changing any time soon.
Jessica is away at college. Even though she'll be back in a couple months for the summer...it doesn't really do much to help me out of the boredom now.
Tom is an alcoholic. You'd think that, in the last couple months, he could have found one day to say "hey...let's do something" but instead he has gone out drinking Monday-Saturday nights...mostly alone.
These are the people that I put all my trust into. People who I've done everything I could for a long time to make their days somehow better or their problems easier.
Now...I have a problem and I'm just stuck.
Knowing that I was facing these long hours of being a shut-in, I bought tickets to some concerts a while back so that I could at least have a couple of days to get out of the house.
Earlier this month it was Bruce Springsteen. No one wanted to go. I took my mother. That's alright though...because I had bought Avril tickets too...and people DID want to go to that.
So here I sit again. The Avril concert on Saturday...and screwed. Still no getting a hold of Pete. Jessica can't make it back from school. Tom's working.
I don't want to play the smile and nod game. I don't want to be like everybody else. I'm good at what I am. I'm a good friend to good people. There's just not enough of them it seems.
The worst part is that I want to be angry and there's no one to blame. I can't take sitting here anymore. It's all I do. It's emotionaly drained me to the point of exhaustion.
I'm ready for this part of my life to be over with now.
If I had it all to do over again...I'd have had a few more friends.
That line...or something similar to it...was the last line in Ty Cobb's autobiography (not to be confused with the superior biography by Al Stump). Cobb was a notorious asshole. He lived by his own strict code of conduct and damn anyone who got in his way. He was nasty, he was arrogant...and he also just happened to be right most of the time. It's a difficult thing...being right and speaking truth when the world around you is made up of the pleasantry of the lie. It's how our society coexists. The pleasantry of the lie.
Taking that last thought of Cobb to task...one would assume that his message is that of regret for not "playing the game" of life like everyone else did. Cobb had something that so few people have...Greatness. In a culture (even back then) that wants nothing more than to idolize greatness...he was demonized...and rightly so.
He was a terrible person. He hated everything.
...
I've always tried to find the good in things. It hurts like hell when they let you down...but every so often your faith can be rewarded. I've made a conscious choice in recent years to limit my number of friendships to a pretty low number. The reason for that is simple. I'm not good at acquaintance. I'm not good at smile and nod. I'm not good at exchanging pleasantries.
What I am good at, in fact what I live for, is being a good friend.
I'm the guy who'll help you move, or listen to you cry at the bar, or loan you money, or do whatever it takes to make your day that little bit better...because...that's what makes my day better.
Now...that can take a lot out of you which is why I limit the amount of people that get in.
It's also why, I think, there is such a disparity between people's opinions of me. To some I'm a terrible person. To far fewer...I'm the opposite. The people that know me, know me for a reason. They're good people. People worth something.
I have no tolerance for useless people.
Which brings me to the current dilemma.
After months of things just not going my way (as if that was something new) I've reached the breaking point.
I've hit a problem that I didn't see coming...even though I should have.
I'm pretty much locked in a room all week long now...only getting out for work (yeah...). I can't drive anywhere on my conditional licence accept work and court stuff...
Pete disappeared completely. Not answering the phone or even returning calls. With his wedding just a couple of months away...I don't see that changing any time soon.
Jessica is away at college. Even though she'll be back in a couple months for the summer...it doesn't really do much to help me out of the boredom now.
Tom is an alcoholic. You'd think that, in the last couple months, he could have found one day to say "hey...let's do something" but instead he has gone out drinking Monday-Saturday nights...mostly alone.
These are the people that I put all my trust into. People who I've done everything I could for a long time to make their days somehow better or their problems easier.
Now...I have a problem and I'm just stuck.
Knowing that I was facing these long hours of being a shut-in, I bought tickets to some concerts a while back so that I could at least have a couple of days to get out of the house.
Earlier this month it was Bruce Springsteen. No one wanted to go. I took my mother. That's alright though...because I had bought Avril tickets too...and people DID want to go to that.
So here I sit again. The Avril concert on Saturday...and screwed. Still no getting a hold of Pete. Jessica can't make it back from school. Tom's working.
I don't want to play the smile and nod game. I don't want to be like everybody else. I'm good at what I am. I'm a good friend to good people. There's just not enough of them it seems.
The worst part is that I want to be angry and there's no one to blame. I can't take sitting here anymore. It's all I do. It's emotionaly drained me to the point of exhaustion.
I'm ready for this part of my life to be over with now.
If I had it all to do over again...I'd have had a few more friends.
Hello, I'm Johnny Cash: OR The Desert Island Draft Part 3 (in 3D!!!)
"There are two kinds of people, there's those who like Johnny Cash, and those who will"
-Marty Stuart
Now immortalized in the academy award winning film Walk The Line, At Folsom Prison can pretty literally be taken as the best of the best.
No one else was Johnny Cash, and no one ever could be. And At Folsom Prison is his masterpiece.
Performed in front of the prisoners in Folsom State Prison, this live album resurrected Cash into the forefront of American music where he belonged.
The whole show is a unique experience. From inmates cheering the mentions of death in songs, to Cash finishing his show with a song written by an inmate and given to him the day before.
The set list certainly doesn't shy away from the topic of incarceration. Some ballads are mixed in (and a duet with his soon to be wife) but the message of the album is clearly a commentary on the American prisoner.
Part empathy, part head scratching...but that was Cash at his best. His records would always alternate between murder and love, faith and desperation.
This one was just a hell of a lot more fun.
The peak of this one is, without a doubt, Cocaine Blues. It's even the song they chose to represent the show when they filmed the movie.
But, like Stop Making Sense before it, it's a live album that just needs to be put on and experienced. Which is why I made it my #3 pick in the Desert Island Draft. At Folsom Prison by Johnny Cash
P.S. For my 4th pick (and next blog on the topic) I went a little bit different. Do you think you can tell?
Links:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=4T7sU3A2m18
http://youtube.com/watch?v=ITsvPjbEPtc
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Tramps Like Us: OR The Desert Island Draft Part Deux
Roy Orbison singing for the lonely
It's been said that Bruce Springsteen wanted Born to Run to sound like Roy Orbison singing Bob Dylan, produced by Phil Spector.
I don't know what that means...but this album kicks ass.
Anyway...while the whole album is great and deserves its place on the list of all timers...for me it's all about those two songs.
So...were I stuck on said desert island...my second choice was Born to Run by Bruce Springsteen
I figure I'd have a lot of time on my hands to think about what would happen if she got in that car. And whether or not I'd be able to leave without her.
P.S. As for the third selection...next time. But it had to be the man in black.
Link:
Hey that's me and I want you only
It's the song I had in my heart before I'd ever heard it.
What red blooded american man hasn't fealt that? Hasn't wanted to make one last desperate plea for the heart of the one they want. That the new life on the road ahead just has to be better when not traveled alone?
Of course I'm sure no one elses would come out quite so eloquently.
It's been said that Bruce Springsteen wanted Born to Run to sound like Roy Orbison singing Bob Dylan, produced by Phil Spector.
I don't know what that means...but this album kicks ass.
Born To Run and Thunder Road have always struck me as essentialy the same song...just played with different intent. It's all about getting out. And I'd surmise that getting out alive...meant not having to do so alone. In Thunder Road the most important thing is Mary. But in Born to Run I've kinda always fealt that getting out of New Jersey was more the point than Wendy was. It's kind of like...in Born to Run he's leaving no matter what and he's trying to sell her on it...whereas I don't think he's going anywhere if Mary doesn't climb in the car in Thunder Road...
Anyway...while the whole album is great and deserves its place on the list of all timers...for me it's all about those two songs.
So...were I stuck on said desert island...my second choice was Born to Run by Bruce Springsteen
I figure I'd have a lot of time on my hands to think about what would happen if she got in that car. And whether or not I'd be able to leave without her.
P.S. As for the third selection...next time. But it had to be the man in black.
Link:
Monday, March 24, 2008
Why A Big Suit?: OR The Desert Island Draft Part Uno
The messageboard that I have frequented for the last...I don't know...seven years (God...I really am a nerd at heart) recently started an interesting concept in the music folder. We have 17 people drafting what albums they would want if they were stranded on a desert island. There are 20 rounds and you can't take greatest hits albums. I drew #5...which was cool...but it meant having to wait until #13 in round 2...which was less cool. But then I was #5 in round 3...which was...
Anyway...
I suppose that I should have used some strategy and taken an album with my first choice that would obviously be gone by the time the draft snaked back around to me. That album is Appetite For Destruction by Guns N' Roses. It went #6 because I passed and took my favorite album of all time...knowing full well that I could have gotten it much later in the draft.
Sometimes you just have to follow your heart.
Stop Making Sense by Talking Heads
We were allowed to pick live albums...which was all I needed to know to sign up for the draft.
Technically a movie soundtrack to the 1984 Jonathan Demme (Silence of the Lambs) directed concert film of the same name...it truly is not just the best live album that I've ever heard...but also the best album period.
It's even kind of constructed like a movie in that the main character (here played by frontman David Byrne) undergoes a complete character progression from beginning to end. ...The band and the stage growing and changing along with him.
It all begins simply enough with Byrne coming onto an empty stage by himself and his guitar playing a reserved and slightly odd rendition of Psycho Killer. At the songs conclusion he is joined by bassist Tina Weymouth for a beautiful version of Heaven. The show continues on like this, adding a musical piece, until the stage is transformed into an all out celebration of music.
By the time the band plays Burning Down The House the stage is full of all 4 band members, backup singers, and several additional players that help infuse the whole show with a funky sound that adds to the experience and makes songs that you could have heard a thousand time sound brand new.
Byrne's once akward looking lead has transformed too...into a self assured rock icon that has been moved by the power of the music. The album has several highlights (hell...it's one big highlight) but the showstopper is the incredible performance of Take Me To The River, which serves as the end of the journey (save for one encore performance that doesn't really fit the flow at that point).
So yes...were I to somehow be stranded on a desert island...that for some odd reason has electricity and a cd player...my first choice was Stop Making Sense by Talking Heads.
"Whos got a match?"
P.S. As for what I took next...well...that's a blog for another day. But here's a hint: It's lying out there like a killer in the sun
Also...links to the entire show (God bless the internet):
http://youtube.com/watch?v=FzEadbTCKDA
http://youtube.com/watch?v=N71xjpRhqjE
http://youtube.com/watch?v=MhQU3fgCMXA
http://youtube.com/watch?v=L4IHaI6406w
http://youtube.com/watch?v=vTnjsNTTz2Q
http://youtube.com/watch?v=Ozc70JPGRMQ
http://youtube.com/watch?v=xzORu1dqEE0
http://youtube.com/watch?v=YXMNpYMGyck
http://youtube.com/watch?v=SAlNWxODVHE
http://youtube.com/watch?v=eXJgt8rLMC4
http://youtube.com/watch?v=vkZHjn3A-yk
http://youtube.com/watch?v=BUgKb-5u6v4
http://youtube.com/watch?v=WhjZ3TGbvdM
http://youtube.com/watch?v=9r7X3f2gFz4
http://youtube.com/watch?v=QmEBlrRRMBQ
http://youtube.com/watch?v=ZJVfHj8q1tk
Anyway...
I suppose that I should have used some strategy and taken an album with my first choice that would obviously be gone by the time the draft snaked back around to me. That album is Appetite For Destruction by Guns N' Roses. It went #6 because I passed and took my favorite album of all time...knowing full well that I could have gotten it much later in the draft.
Sometimes you just have to follow your heart.
Stop Making Sense by Talking Heads
We were allowed to pick live albums...which was all I needed to know to sign up for the draft.
Technically a movie soundtrack to the 1984 Jonathan Demme (Silence of the Lambs) directed concert film of the same name...it truly is not just the best live album that I've ever heard...but also the best album period.
It's even kind of constructed like a movie in that the main character (here played by frontman David Byrne) undergoes a complete character progression from beginning to end. ...The band and the stage growing and changing along with him.
It all begins simply enough with Byrne coming onto an empty stage by himself and his guitar playing a reserved and slightly odd rendition of Psycho Killer. At the songs conclusion he is joined by bassist Tina Weymouth for a beautiful version of Heaven. The show continues on like this, adding a musical piece, until the stage is transformed into an all out celebration of music.
By the time the band plays Burning Down The House the stage is full of all 4 band members, backup singers, and several additional players that help infuse the whole show with a funky sound that adds to the experience and makes songs that you could have heard a thousand time sound brand new.
Byrne's once akward looking lead has transformed too...into a self assured rock icon that has been moved by the power of the music. The album has several highlights (hell...it's one big highlight) but the showstopper is the incredible performance of Take Me To The River, which serves as the end of the journey (save for one encore performance that doesn't really fit the flow at that point).
So yes...were I to somehow be stranded on a desert island...that for some odd reason has electricity and a cd player...my first choice was Stop Making Sense by Talking Heads.
"Whos got a match?"
P.S. As for what I took next...well...that's a blog for another day. But here's a hint: It's lying out there like a killer in the sun
Also...links to the entire show (God bless the internet):
http://youtube.com/watch?v=FzEadbTCKDA
http://youtube.com/watch?v=N71xjpRhqjE
http://youtube.com/watch?v=MhQU3fgCMXA
http://youtube.com/watch?v=L4IHaI6406w
http://youtube.com/watch?v=vTnjsNTTz2Q
http://youtube.com/watch?v=Ozc70JPGRMQ
http://youtube.com/watch?v=xzORu1dqEE0
http://youtube.com/watch?v=YXMNpYMGyck
http://youtube.com/watch?v=SAlNWxODVHE
http://youtube.com/watch?v=eXJgt8rLMC4
http://youtube.com/watch?v=vkZHjn3A-yk
http://youtube.com/watch?v=BUgKb-5u6v4
http://youtube.com/watch?v=WhjZ3TGbvdM
http://youtube.com/watch?v=9r7X3f2gFz4
http://youtube.com/watch?v=QmEBlrRRMBQ
http://youtube.com/watch?v=ZJVfHj8q1tk
Sunday, March 23, 2008
So This Is Christmas?: OR Things I Would Do With Talent
Easter's here.
What a worthless piece of shit holiday this is. I call it a dinner holiday since the only thing that happens out of the ordinary is that someone feeds me.
Praise Jesus.
Stuff that happened since the last blog:
The Sabres lost.
Duke lost and got bounced early from the NCAA tournament again.
My all time favorite bartender returned from Florida and since they got Rachael stupid drunk...actually took his rightful place behind the bar for a night.
Of course...I wasn't there for it. One of those good, once in a lifetime, super fun experiences that I couldn't take part in.
So...whilst everyone was out having the time of their lives, I sat alone at home watching Enchanted on DVD.
I think the movie was supposed to be uplifting...but it just made me more depressed.
That kinda sucks too...since I know I used to believe in the uplifting.
Now I believe that if they can...they will screw you.
I hit a douchebag and an ice patch...and it's come to this.
Anyway...I was reminded of an idea that Pete and I had some time ago that I really wish we could get off the ground...
It's a comic strip called "God and the Devil on a road trip". Basically like the odd couple but with superpowers . I love the idea because it really frees you up to comment on pretty much anything. Religion, politics, race...you know...all the easy stuff.
And rape. There's gotta be rape.
So they drive around arguing about everything and making witty social commentaries while putting down everyone's beliefs...because, honestly, who'd know better?
I'm sure I could come up with 3 panels and a one note joke a day to make this thing fly.
...
Of course I can't draw.
It's always something.
It's always fucking something.
What a worthless piece of shit holiday this is. I call it a dinner holiday since the only thing that happens out of the ordinary is that someone feeds me.
Praise Jesus.
Stuff that happened since the last blog:
The Sabres lost.
Duke lost and got bounced early from the NCAA tournament again.
My all time favorite bartender returned from Florida and since they got Rachael stupid drunk...actually took his rightful place behind the bar for a night.
Of course...I wasn't there for it. One of those good, once in a lifetime, super fun experiences that I couldn't take part in.
So...whilst everyone was out having the time of their lives, I sat alone at home watching Enchanted on DVD.
I think the movie was supposed to be uplifting...but it just made me more depressed.
That kinda sucks too...since I know I used to believe in the uplifting.
Now I believe that if they can...they will screw you.
I hit a douchebag and an ice patch...and it's come to this.
Anyway...I was reminded of an idea that Pete and I had some time ago that I really wish we could get off the ground...
It's a comic strip called "God and the Devil on a road trip". Basically like the odd couple but with superpowers . I love the idea because it really frees you up to comment on pretty much anything. Religion, politics, race...you know...all the easy stuff.
And rape. There's gotta be rape.
So they drive around arguing about everything and making witty social commentaries while putting down everyone's beliefs...because, honestly, who'd know better?
I'm sure I could come up with 3 panels and a one note joke a day to make this thing fly.
...
Of course I can't draw.
It's always something.
It's always fucking something.
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