Just Smile And Nod: OR The Ranting Blog

If I had it all to do over again...I'd have had a few more friends.

That line...or something similar to it...was the last line in Ty Cobb's autobiography (not to be confused with the superior biography by Al Stump). Cobb was a notorious asshole. He lived by his own strict code of conduct and damn anyone who got in his way. He was nasty, he was arrogant...and he also just happened to be right most of the time. It's a difficult thing...being right and speaking truth when the world around you is made up of the pleasantry of the lie. It's how our society coexists. The pleasantry of the lie.

Taking that last thought of Cobb to task...one would assume that his message is that of regret for not "playing the game" of life like everyone else did. Cobb had something that so few people have...Greatness. In a culture (even back then) that wants nothing more than to idolize greatness...he was demonized...and rightly so.

He was a terrible person. He hated everything.

...

I've always tried to find the good in things. It hurts like hell when they let you down...but every so often your faith can be rewarded. I've made a conscious choice in recent years to limit my number of friendships to a pretty low number. The reason for that is simple. I'm not good at acquaintance. I'm not good at smile and nod. I'm not good at exchanging pleasantries.

What I am good at, in fact what I live for, is being a good friend.

I'm the guy who'll help you move, or listen to you cry at the bar, or loan you money, or do whatever it takes to make your day that little bit better...because...that's what makes my day better.

Now...that can take a lot out of you which is why I limit the amount of people that get in.

It's also why, I think, there is such a disparity between people's opinions of me. To some I'm a terrible person. To far fewer...I'm the opposite. The people that know me, know me for a reason. They're good people. People worth something.

I have no tolerance for useless people.

Which brings me to the current dilemma.

After months of things just not going my way (as if that was something new) I've reached the breaking point.

I've hit a problem that I didn't see coming...even though I should have.

I'm pretty much locked in a room all week long now...only getting out for work (yeah...). I can't drive anywhere on my conditional licence accept work and court stuff...

Pete disappeared completely. Not answering the phone or even returning calls. With his wedding just a couple of months away...I don't see that changing any time soon.

Jessica is away at college. Even though she'll be back in a couple months for the summer...it doesn't really do much to help me out of the boredom now.

Tom is an alcoholic. You'd think that, in the last couple months, he could have found one day to say "hey...let's do something" but instead he has gone out drinking Monday-Saturday nights...mostly alone.

These are the people that I put all my trust into. People who I've done everything I could for a long time to make their days somehow better or their problems easier.

Now...I have a problem and I'm just stuck.

Knowing that I was facing these long hours of being a shut-in, I bought tickets to some concerts a while back so that I could at least have a couple of days to get out of the house.

Earlier this month it was Bruce Springsteen. No one wanted to go. I took my mother. That's alright though...because I had bought Avril tickets too...and people DID want to go to that.

So here I sit again. The Avril concert on Saturday...and screwed. Still no getting a hold of Pete. Jessica can't make it back from school. Tom's working.

I don't want to play the smile and nod game. I don't want to be like everybody else. I'm good at what I am. I'm a good friend to good people. There's just not enough of them it seems.

The worst part is that I want to be angry and there's no one to blame. I can't take sitting here anymore. It's all I do. It's emotionaly drained me to the point of exhaustion.

I'm ready for this part of my life to be over with now.

If I had it all to do over again...I'd have had a few more friends.